Katy Perry Naked
"Sex? Oh... Alright Then"
Ok. That’s a joke. There is no picture of Katie/Katy/Katee/wtf naked. We don’t have one. Yet.
No harm in trying to pull in a few hits though, is there?
And if I did have one, I probably wouldn’t put it on the blog, but somewhere nearer underneath my pillow. In fact I think I might just keep Katy Perry underneath my pillow. She’s a one hit wonder with weird ears, but they photoshop her so well I just can’t resist.
I can smell Katy’s PR writing that email right now.
Right, onto a point. Yes, we aren’t updating this much at the mo, but it’s a busy time: Podcasts to write, friends to annoy, girls’ hearts to break. We’re busy. Lot’s of posts hot to go though - but many I have written are now out of date, as they relate to events that happened weeks or months ago. We will start recording ‘Pods and Mockers’ as soon as this guy gets back to me - yes, we are doing it in a studio especially for your listening pleasure.
Peter Hut Strange
You love de Poon Too?
There’s something strange about the Pizza Hut guys. I refer to them individually as ‘Peter Hut’.
I called up last night, made my order. All was good. I was hungry. He was about to hang-up when I asked him if he needed my address. He said he didn’t because, and I quote, “I know where you live [says address]“.
For a second I was shitting myself. “No, they’ve found me out at last” - but then I realised my address must be connected to my number on their database, saved from previous orders. It’s still a scary thought.
And this isn’t the only incident - last week I stumbled into a Pizza Hut branch and ordered their last pizza, which is lucky. I saw it sliver out of their freezer, ready-made. I didn’t know they just heat them up. That’s not worth the money, if it’s just made by some kids in China and then put in the microwave - there’s no skill involved, so what am I paying for? He put it in the oven.
Then it came ‘Can I come to the party?’, ‘Is there alot of pussy there?’, ‘You got any gurls yet?’.
Yeah, cause I’m gonna bring my new friend who can’t speak English into a house full of people he doesn’t know, or who might know him from crimewatch - so he can lace vodka with his pubes and chat-up the girls who are currently occupied. No thanks. Still, he gets one free pizza for every 5 hours he works there. Who needs a real job?
That Dodgy Looking Boy
Brand new theory possessed by all people above the age of 28 and with an IQ of less than 5: all teenage boys carry knives. Including the gay ones. Yes, nowadays oldish people believe that you can’t even approach a group of teenagers because if you do you’re knocking on heavens door. Another reason to hate the BBC. Heres a little exercise for all you dim-witted Debenhams lovers, try and fill in the gaps.
Hello Mrs Middle-aged infertile woman, do you have the time?
[Fill In The Gap]
What, no the time.
[Fill In The Gap]
Pardon, oh I’m 15, Ms.
[Fill In The Gap]
I do certainly not obtain such items.
[Fill In The Gap]
Oh that, thats just my keys in my pocket Mrs Middle-aged woman.
[Fill In The Gap]
And that, thats just my erection Miss.
[Fill In The Gap]
No Mrs Middle-aged woman, I’m a Christian.
[Fill In The Gap]
Thats because my father was brought up in Congo.
[Fill In The Gap]
No he isn’t in jail Miss.
[Fill In The Gap]
Why are you running from me, Mrs Woman? Just wanted a conversation.
[Fill In The Gap]
Oh you dropped your purse Mr. Here you go.
[Fill In The Gap]
Take it, I don’t want your credit card.
[Fill In The Gap]
Oh come on now Mrs Middle-aged woman, I don’t want your watch.
[Fill In The Gap]
Or your pension. Miss, please put your clothes back on.
[Fill In The Gap]
No Ms, I’m not threatening you, just trying to connect with a wider range of the comunity.
[Fill In The Gap]
Ok, nice talking to you Mrs Middle-aged woman. Have a lovely day.
Barack Obama
Barack Obama
As I’m sure all of you will know, Barack Obama is the President-Elect of the United States (the new Prime minister of the UK), and we’ve all seen countless times what he’s going to do in America, and even what he might do in Iraq, but more importantly for us - what will he do for Europe and the UK?
Well, to start with, Obama is probably the most left-wing President in the history of the USA and for those of you that don’t know what that means, read some fucking books. Whilst he will not be as left-wing as our Politicians or the French leaders, he is the closest thing to a Communist that the Americans will have ever experienced - we got in a black man and a communist at the same time. Lucky Strike!
In his election campaign he spoke of spreading the wealth around, which is not at all American, but seeing as most Americans voted for him, maybe something as changed - maybe they’re willing to get money from rich people with the credit crunch around. But what does spreading the wealth around actually mean? In short it probably means that he will tax rich people more and give more to poor people with social securities (benefits etc.) All well and good you might think, but what I see as the American philosophy is this: “Get rich through your own hard work, then spent it on burgers” not “Get rich then get taxed so that poor people have money to spend on burgers” but maybe that’s me being narrow minded. Now I’m going to move onto the thing that the BBC seems to be having an erection about, the fact that Barack Obama is black. I remember one reporter saying that “Martin Luther King’s dreams have now been fulfilled,” Well I got some now’s for you dear, they have not. Martin Luther King wanted a world where “People will not be judged on the colour of their skin, bit on the content of their character”, so if you do want King’s aims to be fulfilled, don’t fucking talk about the colour of his skin, but about his policies. Positive Discrimination.
Oh, and before I finish, can I just say that Barack Obama is not the President yet but he will be in January, until then we will have to put up with that demented fool George Bush. Video.
British Style Genius
Teddy Boys
British Style Genius is a great series looking at how we are defined by what we wear, how we have innovated in fashion and popular culture. You have to watch this episode, it looks at the early beginnings of youth culture - breaking away from parents in post-war Britain with the early teddy boys, through to the love of us: the mods, all the way up - drawing parallels with the modern ’scenes’ and showing just how similar they are at base level. Click on the picture to watch.
Lost Art
The song in my head at the moment is Stricken City’s ‘Lost Art’.
Not just a band this lot, but they also paint windows. Which has it’s uses. Helping develop the wider community. Sort of a band in service. Btw, these song ‘promos’ are now in the category ‘Audiophile’.
Nordic Blossom
I know I said I wouldn’t do too many random video posts - but fuck it I am.
Great music comes out from the Nordic countries. Someone once said there is so much creativity up there because it’s uninfluenced - they’re far from our overly American-influenced media - they don’t have much coming in from outside so they are really free to create. Their canvass is untainted. Keep up the good work team!.
P.S. Check out Lykke Li, she’s different which means she must be cool? Kidding - she’s good.
Hundredty Posts
This post is our first landmark.
We are young, we are free and we are just one hundred posts young. There’s been a lot of bullshit, a lot of laughs and tears. There’s been a bit too much dipping of toes in dangerous waters and pushing boundaries. But it’s all a test. We are here seeing what does and doesn’t work.
You may love one post, hate the next - we’re working on our formula to get it just dolmio.
But this isn’t a trip down memory lane, it’s a launchpad into the future - and what a future we have planned. First comes our podcast, next we’re be a Coldplay tribute band.
You may have been naive and taken this as a mere blog. No sir, this is no blog, this is therapy - not for you, for us. We need get our shit down on paper and have some baffled guy in Chicago read it. What ways we have coming. We are dreamers and our dreams may be far fetched but there we go.
I have recently had a battle with my consciousness over the blog. The problem is that so many people know who I am in real life, I can’t really say what I would like - I find myself censoring things. I don’t post everything I want, but I’m getting my head around it. I’m off to Mexico.
Raise a glass to our Pulp Addiction.
Dr Meehan: Whos The Boss?
Just Laugh Guys. Just Laugh
Yoo hoo scallywags. Turns out what I write is quite good and Meehan ratings have gone through the roof! So I’ve finally been able to repossess someone elses house and park all my stuff in it. Yeah, I’m technically rich now which means I can actually act like a dickhead and get paid for it! Yep, I got invited to that party in Norfolk and the neighbours no longer despise my preaching ways.
Just a couple of notices, I’m trying for I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! this year as I can now crush any chance of being famous by eating Fiona Bruces vagina, or whatever they have to consume nowadays. And theres always Celeb Air to fall back on if Plan A goes tits up.
Well enough about me; lets examine my lastest “customer”. This one comes from Matt in Leeds:
I had sex with my bosses daughter and hes going to find out.
Well well, we’ve all been there Matty boy. And just between the two of us, I have too. Not worth it, you have to resign and everything. So, you’ve gone and done the one thing no man should do in the workplace. But hey, I wouldnt start worrying until she cries rape. Until then, we have some thinking to do. And thats why I should’ve accepted that offer from the Daily Star.
So, firstly you could just use it as a joke on the guy, he might find it funny. So when he goes “can I have that report done by 11.00″, you can turn around and say “oh easily, I did your daughter twice by that time”. One problem with that option, it involves resignation letters and A&E.
I guess what you could do is ask him if you can have sex with her, if he says yes then thumbs up, if not then lets pray you used a condom.
Racking my brains, which I don’t do often so listen up, you could buy him one of those orphans from India with ribbons around it, as a gift of apology for entering his heiress. Ooh, guess I’m not allowed to say that type of thing anymore (one false move now and I’m Jonathan Ross, again).
I had sex with Gloria’s (my PA) kitten once, she didn’t mind at all. Oh and on that subject, turns out Gloria couldn’t vote this week because she was Mexican. Which takes the piss after all the swimming she had to do.
Well Matty boy, looks like you’re credit is getting crunched officially. Because when he finds out that you entered your 4.7 inch willy in her, hes going to snip it off with your staplers. Unless of course you try to apologise to him via voicemail messages. It is a good method, despite the bad publicity.
So my friendly readers, Meehan Mania ends for another episode. Until then, Ant and Dec won’t know what’s hit ‘em when I show up…..
Being Ill
Sorry for the recent lack of posts on the site. This is the result of holidays, hanging out with the Obama family who just moved in downstairs and me being ill.
But not jokey ill, when you fell ill, but let’s face it - you’re not really ill. You can still wear your sister’s comfy dressing gown and slippers and watch friends and/or loose women.
I’ve been actual ill, when you feel like shit.
Imagine the worst hangover you can have, multiplied by 10, plus the worst comedown you can think of - you’re almost there. Your throat is Saw II, you must have swallowed some of the Berlin wall.
Went to see the doctor - she wasn’t helpful at all. Hello, I feel like dyeing, give me some fucking medicine. It was like talking to a brick wall “yeah… uh uh” - she didn’t say anything, just gave me blank looks. As they say “the lights are on but no ones home”. She’s the sort of doctor who would prescribe calpol for a road-accident victim. Gimme someone who can tell me I’ve got fucking bird-flu-cancer-plague all over my body, and who will give me lots of drugs for it. Get Meehan.
I thought that watching Harry Potter might be an idea, get my mind off things. No.
Hermione just made me more ill. She can’t act. “Harry!?” [worried face] - oh fuck off. I’d rather watch Paul O’Grady then this shit. If I was Malfoy I’d bully Harry Potter - he’s a geek. Too happy, too serious. I’m on Voldermort’s team - he’s the one having all the fun: Strolling about in his wee cape, waving his wand - haha he’s having a right laugh with his broomstick and pals. They’ve all got capes too. Some of them even have masks. Would you rather be groomed by an old man and hang about with the ginger kid or be out there on the road, in a magical hedonistic version of al-qaeda? I think I know which way I’d go.
Crackity Jones
Hislop
Soupernova
